Poetry Wednesday – Wail

Wail

Long to write about
Anything other than you
Finally felt I had broken
Your tantalizing spell
Words beyond your grace
Did flow so beautiful
Than you re-emerged
Macabre butterfly
Spreading poetic disease
All-encompassing on
My pen and paper
Wail I do
A binding spell
Over and over again
Yet you haunt me
Poisoning the ink within
My exhausted psyche

Advertisements

Poetry Wednesday – Flaws

Flaws

Improvements to the self
Always striving
But for what ends do I
Suffer in this journey
Can I not be enough without
These changes intense
In their challenge to
Improve supposed flaws
I have been convinced I
Contain within leading me
Astray down lonely paths
Constantly seeking new
Where I never truly fit
Yet I try – always failing
Thinking my flaws are too
Great not that the journey
Is the wrong one

NaNoWriMo 2017 Ends

This NaNoWriMo was different than ones in the past. Rather unproductive despite reaching beyond the word count requirement. The words just didn’t go where I wanted them to. A lot of random bits of line that will never be more than that. Never will have a chance to be poems. Their threads were too short and, now, are lost to the winds of time.

NaNoWriMo 2017 was forced to compete with pre-concert jitters and excitement then post-concert depression (and immense pain courtesy of extremely drunk Children of Bodom fans kicking the back of my legs, constantly pushing me into the rail, etc.) which made for interesting writing times.

I greatly enjoyed seeing Carach Angren for my first metal concert experience. They were phenomenal. Uncured and Lost Society were also quite good considering I had very little familiarity with their work prior to the concert. I have been missing those beautiful spooky Dutch men something fierce though. The entire month’s wardrobe featured a Carach Angren band tee each day. I started the month with two tees and acquired two more at the concert so this has meant frequent laundry but totally worth it.

Onto the writing stats…

Total Word Count: 53432

This translates into 51 poems – 47 for Glyph & Grey, 3 for Mourning & Melancholia, and 1 for Altars & Avatars – and 8 pages’ worth of the “epic poem” that’s been slowly swirling around in my brain. There is a lot of free writing I need to sort through to see if there is more poetry lurking within the lines.

Glyph & Grey is at 67/100, and should be done in the next 2-3 weeks as I’m determined for it to be. I had wanted it to be done by today but that is, clearly, unrealistic. Mourning & Melancholia stands at 8/100. Altars & Avatars is 2/100. I hope to have Mourning & Melancholia done by the end of February. NaPoWriMo in April should bring about the completion of Altars & Avatars and significant progress for the upcoming Written & Whim.

NaNoWriMo 2017 – Day 6

It is NaNoWriMo time again. The pure, unadulterated NaNoWriMo. It snuck up on me. Everything has been sneaking up on me lately. Where has 2017 gone? 2017 hasn’t been a good year for a lot of reasons so I’m not sad to see it go but, at the same time, how did I get to this point?

It is Day 6. Day 3 brought a cold to the party which has made things less fun. Still recovering but I ventured out twice to write today. First in the morning to get away from my cat who keeps hindering the writing process and the second in the evening for a write-in. First write-in of this year’s NaNoWriMo for me.

Been doing a lot of free writing in hopes of inspiration for poetry yet are pretty much just bolstering my word count. A few poems have been written toward Glyph & Grey and Mourning & Melancholia. I started an “epic” poem based on an idea that has been stewing in my brain for a while. Maybe it will continue to flesh its self out for a stand-alone project or what is written will just get put into Mourning & Melancholia. I just love the mystery my short writing attention span presents. Not so much but I find a way to make things work.

I have been listening to a lot of Metal while I write especially Avatar and Carach Angren. Okay, mostly Carach Angren.

I am going to see them in concert next week. Immensely, ridiculously excited. My first ever Metal concert, and my first concert in 16 years. I have been a Metalhead since my teens but never felt inclined to go to a concert until I encountered the music of Avatar and Carach Angren. I am going to see Avatar in January 2018 which I am also unbelievably excited about.

I may or may not have listened to Carach Angren’s Dance and Laugh Amongst the Rotten album a little too much lately. Somehow, some way, a Ouija board and maritime salts worked their way into a poem even though I was listening to Avatar’s ‘For the Swarm’, from the Feathers & Flesh album, at the time.

I have discovered it is challenging to write when I am busy fangirling over tour photos and such. Both bands are on tour right now so there are a lot of photos and concert video to enjoy. Mostly of Avatar since their current tour ends in two days. Carach Angren tour photos and video are just starting to pop up as their tour started on October 31st.

There is a possibility of encountering Carach Angren after their set, according to folks, which I am equally excited and terrified about. Crippling social anxiety means I sometimes say/do stupid things in public. Worried I will make a fool of myself yet I would love to say hi to them in person. Reportedly, they are really awesome guys to meet.

Wow. My fangirling knows no bounds right now. This started out as a post just about NaNoWriMo and my writing progress then turned into a post about my two favorite Metal bands. Accordingly, it is only appropriate to set the feature image of this post with one of my favorite Carach Angren promo photos.

NaNoWriMo 2016 Closes Out

I finished out NaNoWriMo 2016 on November 27th with 52,111 words. Sadly, only about 5,000 words are actually useful. The rest is just word vomit. It makes me wonder if NaNoWriMo’s appeal has come to an end for me.

I didn’t think I’d actually finish NaNoWriMo this year after being sidelined by severe food poisoning, a fibromyalgia flare-up, and a post-food poisoning chronic fatigue flare-up. Managed to pull it together though and got words to committed to the page even if they are ultimately useless words.

Some progress was made on a novel and on Hallow & Hearth. Not as much as I’d like though so December will be busy as I try to make significant progress on the novel, and attempt to finish Hallow & Hearth in its entirety.

Determined to make December a productive writing month as January and March probably won’t be as I’ll have some time-consuming and exhausting tasks to tend to. These tasks have killed the creative drive in the past.

The End of NaNoWriMo 2014

NaNoWriMo has come to a close for me as I validated my work on the 26th at 58,901 words. I continue to be shocked and amazed that I made it to the end and then some. There was a lot of free writing and general writing notes. I did discover a couple “fatal” flaws in Reaper’s Moon which I need to figure out how to fix before I can continue on the rewrites. Overall, I am glad I have left it alone for a couple years or I would have been blind to its flaws. I finished out Elysian & Ether with 37 new poems. Nightmares & Nevermore finished out with 35 new poems. Passion & Prudence has picked up 3 so far. In total, I wrote 76 poems but the one for Reaper’s Moon is flawed as I realized a world building flaw after I wrote the piece.

This was an extremely difficult NaNoWriMo as I struggled with creativity, motivation, depression, ad social anxiety. For all my excitement about a write-in every day, it was too much for me mentally. I tried to overdo it only to trigger anxiety which aggravated the already looming depression.

In spite of this month’s difficulties, I am looking forward to next month and 2015. December will be an editing/planning month. I intend to edit a few more free chapbooks, Elysian & Ether, and Nightmares & Nevermore while working out the flaws in Reaper’s Moon. January will be the month to work on and, hopefully, finish Passion & Prudence. I intend to spend February with Reaper’s Moon. I want to get the flaws fixed and the entire book rewritten by the end of the month. I know I said I wanted to get the book done by the end of NaNoWriMo, but I did not realize that it had so many flaws in the world building and character constructs. There is a lot to fix before I can move forward. The idea is solid and the unflawed works are beautiful, I just need to figure how to put it back together without scraping the novel altogether.

Of course, my plans for 2015 could change some – and I hope they do – when I find a new place to live.

NaNoWriMo 2014 – Days 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, and 14

On Day 12, I put out a free chapbook, in PDF format, called Spirit. It consists of 10 poems from Smoke & Spirit. (Clicking ‘Spirit’ will take you to the download page.) It is the first in the series of free chapbooks I plan to put out over the coming month or two. Please download, read, and enjoy. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated.

It is have been a profoundly odd week. A miracle that I was able to keep my lead in word count with free writing. I discovered I do not feel poetically inclined at my mom’s house at all. I mostly feel disoriented and exhausted.

Unfortunately, snow and below zero temperatures kept me trapped in the house for Days 10, 11, 12, and 13. The snow had let up on the 12th but temperatures of -13 degrees Fahrenheit- on the morning of Day 13 rendered my car useless. It also put walking to places completely out of the picture. They were a bit too far to walk to especially in such cold temperatures.

This cold snap also made it apparent that I need to find my winter clothing – including my winter coat – but I have no idea where all of it is packed. My odds of finding my clothing before moving again are slim to none I think. At the rate the house hunt is going, I should unpack some of my items yet there is nowhere to place the unpacked items.

I finally got free on Day 14 to run a few minor errands during the day, and to attend the evening write-in and NaNoWriMo halfway party.

By the write-in, I had four poems left to write for both Elysian & Ether and Nightmares & Nevermore. Started out the writing time with two poems for Nightmares & Nevermore. One of which ended up being more personal than I anticipated.

I started to struggle after those two poems. I figured I would be all over these last eight poems like butter on bread since I had not much in the way of poetry for days. Perhaps the expectation was too much for my muse. I often struggle with the last few poems of a book to begin with. This time just seemed worse than usual.

The fact that there were 20 people crammed into a rather tiny space for the halfway party and write-in may have also played a role. Not a fan of groups even when they are all writers writing away. I briefly thought about leaving because the group was becoming too overwhelming but I was not in a place in the room where I could flee easily and quickly so I had to tough it out. I did not anticipate so many people, and had chosen a spot with a comfortable chair instead.

Eventually, I buried myself in my hoodie and ended up more productive across my notebook with the dance of a pen. I ended up with four more poems for my effort toward not freaking out by number of people and how they were to my personal space.

I completed Nightmares & Nevermore with two of the four poems.

Current Stats
Elysian & Ether: 98/100
Nightmares & Nevermore: 100/100
Overall Word Count: 26372/50000