Simple Things Thursday – The Lee Pace Problem

It is said simplest things bring happiness, passion, and meaning into one’s life. The actor Lee Pace has become a source of happiness in recent weeks. Normally, I am not one of the folks to be given to obsession or ‘fangirling’ over an actor. I do have favorites but my favoritism has never been like this. I barely recognize myself anymore. This lack of recognition proves to be blog worthy. So new, so happy… so happy…

As I’m behind the times (so to speak), I was first introduced to the work of Lee Pace in the The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies in December 2014. I appreciated his character, Thranduil, more than the actor. My current laptop – acquired in early 2015 – is named Thranduil and the background photo is of Lee Pace as Thranduil. (This has been the previous extent of my ‘fangirling’.) Never gave this much thought until 2 weeks ago when I watched The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey for the first time. I was horribly disappointed that there wasn’t more Thranduil in the film so I promptly checked out the rest of The Hobbit films from my library.

In The Desolation of Smaug and The Battle of the Five Armies, I found myself enamored with Lee Pace, not just the character he portrayed. From there, I watched – in rapid succession – Wonderfalls, Pushing Daisies, The Fall, Possession, Guardians of the Galaxy, Soldier’s Girl, Season 1 of Halt and Catch Fire, and (endured) The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2. All but three of the remaining films he’s been in, and Season 2 of Halt and Catch Fire, have been located and will be here tomorrow for my viewing pleasure.

It is the acquisition of the remaining films and tolerance for films I didn’t like much – Lee Pace being their only bright spot – which told me I had a problem never experienced before. I have never understood people’s desire to go to Cons, write fanfic, create websites in homage, collect images of their interest, view every show or movie an actor/actress has been in, etc. I understand better now. It disturbs me that I understand. No longer recognize myself especially after the poetry incident. Yes, there are poems where Lee Pace has served as inspiration. *hangs head in shame* So embarrassed I am but it is futile to deny it. Nor can I deny that I’ve spent time with image searches…

Knowledge escapes me as to why I have developed this (unfamiliar) obsession. I’m enjoying it despite my confusion as to what I have become. This enjoyment, this happiness is so simple, pure, and perfect. I worry I will destroy it but I’m determined to leave it be and go on basking.

Lee Pace

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Simple Things Thursday – Establishing Normalcy

A week and a half ago, I began moving into my new place even though it wasn’t done yet. This past weekend, things were finished up and should have been completely done, but the stove started shooting out sparks. The sparks started a small fire. Queue the need for new stove which should be arriving today. For all intents and purposes, I live in my new place full-time now. Anubis, the feline overlord, arrived here on Sunday much to his terror. He’s slowly getting use to the noises and quirks of this place.

I may not have a functional kitchen yet but I have the rest of the basics.

After two years of living with other people and one year without my feline overlord, it is very strange for it to just be the two of us.

After two years of having 80% of everything I own in boxes, it is strange to unpack. The process reminds me of unearthing unknown treasures.

I am grateful the rehab process on the new place is done. I am grateful that I have been able to move in this month, and move in at my own pace. I had hoped to move in October but it was beginning to look like December for such. More than happy to split the difference in the end.

Since moving in, I’ve experience one blizzard that was to be a trace of snow, and another blizzard which turned out to be nothing but really strong winds with very cold temperatures. Very grateful, however, for the warm weather during the days of home rehab and repair.

Once I finish settling in this week (next week?), things will be start getting back to normal on this blog. I did think I had set up Poetry Wednesday for the month of November. Alas, I did not. Oh well. It is NaNoWriMo after all which – by some miracle – I have managed to keep up with despite all the rehab, repair, and moving chaos.

Eve of NaNoWriMo 2014

NaNo-Participant-2014It is time for National Novel Writing Month once more. November is gearing up to be great with a lot of write-ins – one every day! Never have I been so excited for write-ins before.

In preparation of this year, I went through the first draft of Reaper’s Moon and pulled all the ‘weak’ areas so I can rework them. Determined to get a solidly finished draft done for Reaper’s Moon. I plan to also complete Elysian & Ether and Nightmares & Nevermore so I can get started on Passion & Prudence. If time/creative energy allows, there are several other novels in progress that would like my attention & affection.

This past year has been really tough on my creative process. I hope NaNoWriMo will help give me that ‘kick in the ass’ I need to get writing done.

There will be no Free Kindle download or Poetry Wednesday for the month of November. Those features will return in December along with the release of Russian Hymns. The Kindle version of Russian Hymns is available for pre-order.

Pre-NaNoWriMo Stats

Reaper’s Moon: One half is done, one half to rework/rewrite {sad panda face}
Elysian & Ether: 63/100
Nightmares & Nevermore: 65/100
Passion & Prudence: 0/100

NaNoWriMo 2014 will bring a major change to my day-to-day as part of reclaiming my creativity through health. Oh, I’ve had a lot of starts and stops in regards to becoming healthier. Unfortunately, things have gotten to the point where I am nearly crippled from pain. Back in October, I gave up wheat and sugar for a few days before caving in to my addictions. This ‘caving’ has made the pain even worse. Clearly, wheat and sugar are definitely not for me but I am horribly addicted. November 1st is the start of a program that claims it can kick such an addiction. It has a 3 day jump start where I eat every 2 hours in order to balance blood sugar and reduce cravings. I plan to do this jump start for 5 days to err on the side of caution. I really do not want to fail again. I am really sick and tired of being pained and tired all the time. I’m into this change-for-the-better with a lot of planning. I have 80% of my meals for November planned out. I’m happy there is a write-in nearly every day to avoid the toxic influences lurking around my mom and her house. I spent yesterday and today making grain-free snacks and prepping (travel friendly) meals for the next few days. After the 5 day jump start, I start alkalizing supplements and re-introduce exercise.

I am certain my NaNoWriMo 2014 blog posts will contain a bit about this change to help hold me accountable.

On the note of addiction and toxicity, there will be no spending in November beyond groceries, gas for Luna (my car), and a set amount for a caffeine-free sugar-free beverage at coffee shops ($2 max per coffee shop visit). Living with a hoarder has been heavily coloring my spending habits lately and it isn’t for the better. I had worked so hard to declutter and simplify yet it seems for nothing right now.

Yes, NaNoWriMo 2014 is for reviving my lagging creative process but it also serves as a distraction to, I hope, keep me from paying attention to the screams of dying addictions.

To Dwell or Not to Dwell

I continue to be optimistic about the potential of having my own home by the end of September. So little time until then but I remain vigilant to my goal. It hasn’t been easy. Listings are slim pickings. What homes are listed are incredibly overpriced for the amount of work they need. Sure I could pick up a house in my ideal price range but that $40,000 worth of work it needs to be habitable is entirely unrealistic.

The Realtor promised to keep an idea out for more listings, and to visit any I sent to him that seem viable. I sent him listings and never heard from him. Tuesday, I was at the end of my rope with the situation. Why doesn’t he respond back? I know he got my email. Does he still not take me seriously even though he knows that future house purchases, by way of my mom, could be possible?

I contemplated contacting yet another Realtor (the 5th) but there’s no guarantees that they would take my housing requirements seriously.

Yesterday, my Realtor sent me an email (finally!) asking if this one listing was in my budget. In theory it is but it is also 40% larger in square footage than what I was looking for. I wanted around 600 square feet. It is 1012 square feet. It is slightly more than my mom’s suggested budget. Being that my mom’s budget makes me nervous, I am nervous about this one too.

Despite my reservations towards it, I requested more information and photos. From the ten photos on the listing, it appeared to be in vastly better shape than any of the 8 I looked at in August and the 20 other listings I sent the Realtor since then. The only thing it appears to need are kitchen appliances which is reasonable. If I shop right, I can take care of that for $2,000 or less. Of course, it needs a fresh coat of interior paint. The previous owners were big into nearly neon shades of yellow, pink, purple, and green. For minor repairs, I am willing to consider a slightly more expensive and larger house given the other options out there.

My main issues now are: Will the Realtor drag his feet on getting me the information? Will those providing the cash up front, until a loan can be obtained, drag their feet/demand I look at bigger houses? Will the house be sold before I even get a chance to give it a fair consideration?

The houses, except for those needing $40,000 or more worth of work, are selling very quickly right now.

It has been almost a year since the flood. I have lived with others and chaos for far too long. Something needs to work out for the better here. I am try not to dwell on the matter and just go about the day to day. Yet my optimism is fleeting…

Little Homes, You Torment Me So

The land/house search has not gone well. I found a little plot of land at a tolerable price. Finally figured out who to speak with about what could be placed on land. From there, I witnessed my hopes go up in smoke. No tiny homes, no homes under 750 square feet, and no manufactured or modular homes. These restrictions quickly put the housing potential into a price range I could not afford.

I then expanded my search (and my budget) and ended up in a decently sized town 22 miles north of the land. I found several homes under 900 square feet within my budget. My mom pestered me to expand my budget higher citing that we could always give a lower bid. I did although I thought she was playing a dangerous game. Her idea of max budget is twice what my max budget is. This price increase led to a few more homes yet they seemed like they were in worse shape than the cheaper homes.

Finding a realtor to show me these listings was an issue. I emailed two and never heard anything. Called another who came highly recommended by folks I knew in this town. She did not return my call until August 17th which was too late. I eventually called a real estate office and they connected me to an agent who was there in the office. He was clearly a little nonplussed by my budget and requirements given the tone of his voice. Nevertheless, he promised to show me my listings and some others he’d pull on August 19th.

On August 18th, my mom, my maternal grandmother (who’s visiting from Ohio), and I headed down to the town. It is a 3 hour drive from my mom’s house. We passed through the town to the one I had found land in. For a district boasting a lot of stuff, it had nothing except a lot of fantastically wonderful A-frame houses at prices 10 times more than my budget. If I had the money to build my own small home, it would be an A-frame. Was sort of glad that my idea with the land fizzled so spectacularly though. We went up in the mountains near there to visit Bishop’s Castle. A castle being hand-built outside of San Isabel National Forest. What was built was quite lovely although, for those afraid of heights like myself, it was also very terrifying to tour.

Stayed the night in the town with the houses. Our hotel was only two blocks from the real estate office which was really nice as my mom kept getting lost driving through the town to the hotel. Met up with the realtor at 9am and quickly realized that he did not pull any additional listings. To make matters worse, he did not book the showings until the night before/that morning so some of the listings I had pulled were unable to allow showings. He really did not take me seriously.

The most expensive listing ended up being the worst house. Its floor was caving in, and its entire interior & exterior needed to be redone. The cheapest listing was actually two 576 square foot houses. One of the houses was not considered habitable (no bathroom or kitchen), and had been used as a painting studio if the multicolored paint splatters everywhere are any indication. The interior of the habitable house needed work. The kitchen and ceiling were in horrid shape. The bathroom was badly designed and needed help. The worst thing about both houses, though, were the crappy additions. The houses would have been ‘perfect’ otherwise. Sadly, the amount of repairs they need pushes them well out of my budget and my mom’s “budget”.

My mom and my realtor ended up betraying me though. The realtor found out my mom was considering buying several rental properties once I was established there which meant he no longer had any interest in me, and started kissing her ass. My mom betrayed me because she knew that I wanted a small house yet she later informed me that I could not have a house that small. If I wanted financial help in getting a house, I would have to get one that met her standards for a future rental property/one that had high resale potential. This means a home bigger than 1200 square feet with three bedrooms and two baths. A thousand gallons of NO. Nevertheless, by the time we made it back to her house, I was pissed as hell.

The realtor told my mom that he would scope out other listings for us and let us know if we should come back down again to look at houses. I sent him more listings in my size and price range yesterday. Will not let others’ disregard for my needs deter me from having my ideal home.

After all these years, I have the right to be selfish and put my needs first.

I’ve been dreaming of those two 576 square foot homes. I really wish I had the money to obtain them and fix them up. They are from the late 1800s, and it is so sad to see adorable old homes get disgraced. I do not need two homes but I figure the other one could be finished out then rented. There is an university and several colleges in the town so rentals are a very good thing.

I really wanted to move by the end of September, and have a home setup by the end of October so I could spend all of November writing. I see this want/hope/dream getting more translucent and tarnished as the days go by. Trying really hard to be optimistic. Just incredibly challenging when faced with the reality of my housing prospects. Hoping for a decently sized sum of money (~$50,000) to come my way so I can buy and repair that duo of small houses.

Simplicity Reveries: Moving Along toward a Tiny House…Maybe

This blog has acquired a lot of new readers since September 2013 so the following post requires a little background before the main intent.

I am a recovering hoarder. I hoarded to fill large empty spaces as I have kenophobia (a fear of open or empty spaces). I hoarded to fill a 2000 square foot home. In November 2011, I began to rid myself of the hoard. Along the way, I became more creative, and discovered tiny houses. Of course, a tiny or small house was not in my future at that time. In September 2013, a massive flood hit Colorado destroying the foundation of my home. I sold it to investors as I could not afford to fix it. From mid-November 2013 until late June 2014, I lived with my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew. Their 3000 square foot home was rather overwhelming to my mental well-being. I did get the opportunity, while living with them, to pay off all my medical and credit card debt which has been amazingly wonderful.

I presently live with my mother who is a severe hoarder. Her home is down right terrifying to me. I thought I could ignore the hoard and be productive. I had forgotten how exhausting and oppressive the hoard is to a person. I have been struggling to find a place that I can afford and is small enough so I can get away from the hoard.

Now that all are caught up…

 

I have an itty-bitty budget. This budget means moving to a small town far from familiar cities within Colorado. I found extremely affordable quarter acre tracks of land in southern Colorado. This is way more land than I need/want but willing to make due.

The town is small but it has some decent amenities and isn’t too far from Pueblo. I am going down there in about two weeks to view the parcels of land, and get to know the town. In the mean time, I am trying to figure out the details of types of construction, minimum square footage requirements, and other building codes for the area. Unfortunately, the town isn’t an actual town. It is a census-designated area which makes it very difficult to find the various bits of information I need.

At worst, I can put a 780 square foot modular home on the property according the real estate agent I’ve contacted about the land. A little larger than I want but if I can get one into my price range, I’ll be content. Still, I hold out hope for a tiny house. I’ll be contacting the county this week with my questions to find out if a tiny house can be legally done.

I really want a tiny house now more than ever. I have become more intent on this mission since seeing several episodes of Tiny House Nation. My mother is insistent that a tiny house is a stupid idea that I’ll regret. She suggested I tour some travel trailers/small RVs in the same size range so I can get an idea of how cramped a tiny house would be (aka how stupid tiny houses are).

Yesterday, I went to a local RV dealership. I toured an 18 foot travel trailer and a 24 foot travel trailer. The 18 foot one was nice but the “bedroom” was a twin sized bunk bed setup, and the bathroom was a touch too small. While workable, I’d prefer something a little larger. The 24 foot one was perfection despite the manufacturer’s design wasting a lot of storage potential. The 24 was roomy and adorable. Loved the layout of the main area and the bathroom. The price tag was unbelievably high though.  The price and wasted space confirmed why people opt to build houses on trailers rather than buy a RV.

I am glad to have toured the travel trailers. It gave me a sense of the space. I do need to downsize my possessions some more. I already knew I needed too but the tour just made the concept more real.

If you are considering a tiny house, I strongly encourage you to tour small travel trailers that do not have slide outs so you can see what kind of space a tiny house is.

Over the next month, my focus is to sell off a bunch of items I kept but clearly no longer need. I’ve done without them for 10 (going on 11) months now. I never think of them as needed so they obviously should find new homes.

In the interest of raising money for my tiny house, I have lowered prices on all of my books in order to increase sales. I hope, dear readers, that you will purchase some of my books to help me move a little closer to my tiny house dream.

Camp NaNoWriMo & NaPoWriMo 2014 – Day 18

And here we are at Day 18 of Camp NaNoWriMo and NaPoWriMo 2014. It is a surprisingly nice day here in Colorado, and I miraculously ended up not having to watch my nephew today. Sadly, it isn’t a day off. I’m supposedly editing a manuscript which I grossly underestimated the timeline on so I am facing a ton of work with a very close deadline. Does this mean I can focus on it? No. Exhaustion from the week and the flaring of allergies makes the day annoying.

I underestimated the timeline due to my nephew. This is the first novel manuscript I have received since his birth. Editing work, for the last six months, has been short stories, novellas, and chapbooks. Normally, I would already be done with the manuscript but the nephew is very time consuming. Even with my sister, nephew, and brother-in-law gone for a week and a half, progress has been slow going. Their absence was barely noted as I dealt with the drama from other things they had setup to have done during that time, and other issues from other things I work/deal with. I had wanted time to edit, write, and relax but no, never happened.

I, now, know I need to adjust my timelines for future editing work in order to reduce the undercurrent of panic I am feeling. I edit to help pay the bills. I am really good at it – I use to do a lot of auditing work which comes in handy in editing – but I’d rather leave it by the wayside in favor of writing.

I’m taking time out of editing right now because of a realization. To understand this realization, there needs to be a bit of backstory… I do not understand emotions in the overall sense. I have them but I am oddly detached from them. I’ll cry at a drop of a hat yet I have zero idea as to why I cry. Happy is like this bizarre twitch under my skin I just want to get rid of. There are moments where I know I should be mad but I cannot express it properly. I usually just cry in order to ‘flush’ out whatever the discomfort is. The only thing I truly understand is pain. I know that one oh so well and I wish I didn’t. I also understand paranoia and anxiety to an alarming degree. Through my poetry, I apparently understand longing or so others tell me. I honestly have no idea what at least 70% of my poems mean or imply. I really detest the question, ‘What does your poem mean?’, for this reason.

To today’s realization, these photos of this tiny house showed up on my Facebook feed. I thought, I really like that design. With a few minor tweaks, I could see myself living in one of those. I had this feeling about these images that I could not place. I mulled it over for a while. Napped on it then it hit me. I know what I was feeling. It has been so long since I had felt that kind of emotion that it wasn’t recognizable. It was unadulterated heady lust. The kind of lust that binds characters, in paranormal romance and erotica novels, to their destined mates. The kind of lust which drives them to madness should their mates be in danger. Pure, perfect, and all consuming.

My dream of having a tiny house has transformed into this lust. I am not surprised by this, however, as my kenophobia (fear of large/empty spaces) has gotten far worse since moving in with my sister, nephew, and brother-in-law. I may have a “small” room here but 90% of my time is spent in the rest of the 3300+ square foot house.

The “small” room is actually large enough where I could put a decently sized kitchen (sink, work surface, stove, and fridge), my queen sized bed, my 5 foot long desk, and a small sofa into it if arranged properly. Add in the bathroom, a small portion of the closet, and the little square hall between the bedroom door and the bathroom door, it becomes the perfect little cabin with ample space despite all it holds. It would probably even fit a stackable washer and dryer. What can be done with the “small” room has made me even more aware of how I could easily live in a tiny house with my beloved feline overlord. (I miss my Anubis cat so much. I miss my Iah pig too but not as much as my Anubis.) I still need to downsize my possessions some more but they are in the manageable range now.

I will be completely debt-free next month – at least two years ahead of schedule thanks to the selling of the flood-damaged house – but money remains an issue as I do not wish to go into debt again to achieve my tiny house dreams. However, I cannot stay in this huge house much longer. Having free room and board is very nice but it has meant too much sacrifice in regards to my privacy, well-being, and writing time.

A local tiny house builder, who’s homes are surprisingly affordable all things considered, is offering a chance at getting half of a house financed with possible income later but one needs to put down 50% cash up front. This offer comes with the requirement of letting folks tour the house once a month for about four hours. The projected income received from this ($500 to $1000 a month or so they claim) goes to the loan but, once the loan is paid off, the tours can stop or they can continue and the money goes to the homeowner. It sounds like a decent deal to me even though I do not like people in my personal space.

At my current income rate, it would take me a year or so to come up with that kind of down payment, if I am very lucky, unless miracles happen like I get a huge influx of clients with novels to edit, massively increased book sales, and my listed books & other items on half.com & etsy.com sell.

Writers and editors do not make a lot of money which is why I diversify. I know a lot of people who keep telling me that as soon as they publish a book, they are going to be making a lot of money, and they cannot wait to make a living as an author. It doesn’t work like that. It really doesn’t. The average author doesn’t start making money until their 10th book maybe. If you write for a niche, it might be right away, it might not. It is extremely rare for authors to find them in the position like JK Rowling and Stephenie Meyer where money is just throwing itself at them. I know this very well but I remain hopeful that one day my writing will start bringing in a nice income. Of course, I didn’t start publishing my work to make money. I did it to share the beauty of words. Money would just be a nice perk and a means to achieve a goal of being able to write full time without editing or worrying about how I am going to pay the basic bills each month.

Looking back over the last few months, today wasn’t the first time I had felt lust toward an idea/concept. The previous time was about two months ago. I was sorting through my writing files, current works in progress, and future writing ideas. All I wanted – and what I still want – is to shut myself away and just write until all of my works in progress were entirely done. This prospect is just too tempting. It is another goal I am striving for although the lust for it is not as strong as the one for a tiny house right now.

Now that I have over-shared my thoughts for the day, a status update.

Editing might be kicking my butt with reckless abandon but it has nothing on Camp NaNoWriMo/NaPoWriMo 2014. Oh I keep cranking out those poems – which are surprisingly great – despite missing Days 12, 13, 14, and 15 but progress amuses me not. I must remind myself constantly that this is the most writing I have done since November 2013. It is going to hurt. There’s a lot going on constantly which puts me off my creative game. Kenophobia is a huge stumbling block in the creative process. I just need to find new ways to cope so I can get back on an even keel. There’s not enough words to express the many ways that PTSD is mucking all over my days, much less my art. Must remind myself every second of the day…

For Day 16, there is Quicksand, a piece for Xenium & Xyris.
Day 17 has Scrolling, a piece for Nightmares & Nevermore, which expresses some of my present writing frustrations.
Day 18’s offering is Magpie, a piece for Zephyr & Zinc and testament to my intellectual nature – much to the chagrin of my family. They think I am a smartass who likes to pretend I know everything and use this “pretend” information to ‘one up’ people. Not the case. I’m just sharing random bits of information I collected because it seems to apply to the conversation and nothing more. They seem to think I spend time trying find ways to prove I am ‘superior’ to them so I just share things I made up. No, I just collect things. Sometimes, the information gets put together wrong but not making it up nor I am trying to be superior. I am a magpie. Information, words, paper, and ink I collect.

Present Stats
Xenium & Xyris: 71/100
Zephyr & Zinc: 78/100
Elysian & Ether: 39/100
Nightmares & Nevermore: 53/100
Overall Word Count: 13711/20000

And two pictures of my new tiny house desire…objectoflust2 objectoflust1