Still trying to decide how it came to be November already. Quickly closing in on 8 months since I last had a “normal” day (as known as March 13th). I continue to struggle with the new “normal” with everything that is going on and how it constantly changes. Never knowing what tomorrow or a few hours from now will bring.
Today is Election Day in the USA. I voted by drop-off ballot weeks ago so I do not have to deal with the chaos of actually voting today. This day brings a lot of uncertainty with it. Uncertainty I am try not to focus on. Instead, I am working diligently on NaNoWriMo.
I am very, very determined to get back into the writing groove and the general creativity groove. My creativity has been immensely sporadic this year. I have great dislike for that as I prefer to be consistently creative even if it an extremely brief blip of time each day.
During these past months, I spent time creating products for Patchwork Chicken Studio. Each product took longer than normal to make – due to distractions, depression, exhaustion, and grief (from losing loved ones to Covid) – but I eventually got to the finish line. I was happy to have things to do and things to force myself to do, to focus on that didn’t involve spending alone time with my brain. Sadly, writing involves spending a lot of focused time alone with my brain.
Aside from NaNoWriMo, November is a busy month for Patchwork Chicken Studio. We are doing a month-long virtual Artisan Market as well as doing all kinds of holiday promo work over on our website. Normally, we’d spend all of our weekends from late September until early December at in-person Art Shows, Artisan Markets, and Craft Shows displaying and selling our one-of-a-kind handmade goods & gifts but all of those shows have been canceled due to Covid. Accordingly, we must adapt and focus on online sales for the holidays.
Even though my highly introverted self really struggled with the intense social aspect of the shows, I find myself missing them. Like the holiday season doesn’t feel like the holiday season with them gone.
It is truly a bizarre year – emotionally, physically, mentally.
March feels like the never-ending month/year with everything going on. Last week, I realized it was almost time for NaPoWriMo and signed up. Maybe a smart move, maybe a stupid move. Only April can tell.
Hard to believe tomorrow is April 1st. Part of me is glad to finally be done with March yet the worst of what March as wrought has yet to materialize.
I suppose NaPoWriMo, this year, will be a means of escaping the horrors of the day to day as I continue to stay at home with my high risk factors and “quirky” immune system.
As I type this, I come to harsh realization that I’ve neglected this blog since the start of the year. Unfortunately, the year did not start out well for me (and for many others given their posts to social media & blogs) so it led to many things being put on the “back burner” as I focused on the necessities of day to day functions.
Finally, finally, starting to feel more functional and human so back to the things I want to do in additional to those that I have to do despite the ‘have to do’ list being longer nowadays.
To everyone: please be smart, be safe, be healthy, and stay home if you can. If you are worker in an essential field, thank you for your service.
A new year and, typically, resolutions to be made….then discarded in a fiery blaze a short time later.
2019 was an unusual year but I learned a lot during it.
I, finally, learned that I am too ambitious with my plans. The plans only work when there is a regimented schedule and calm all the time. My life is never like that no matter how hard I try to be scheduled and “productive”. My life type versus the plans ends with me feeling guilty and disillusioned because I cannot fulfill the plans as I desired. Eventually, I become apathetic about the things I want to accomplish – even when time allows for the things to be done – and they don’t get done.
Some of the physical results of my over-ambition were scaled back/down during 2019. This scaling back/down brought about good things into my life for which I am grateful. These good things are what helped me realize my error in planning.
I also learned that talking about certain goals, resolutions, desires, and tasks are a great way NOT to get them to come into being. Talking about them are actually a fantastic way to get them ripped to shreds by others that do not have the best of intentions even when they claim they want nothing but the best for someone. No one wants or needs that kind of toxicity in their lives.
Both these lessons, in a way, sort of sabotaged my blog & social media presence later on in 2019, along with just being busy, as I struggled to find balance with the lessons within what means to be outwardly productive.
Always learning, always growing. 2020 will be no different in that regard.