2018

It is 2018. Not entirely sure where much of 2017 went but I am very glad it is over because what I do know is that it SUCKED for the most part. The bright spots of 2017 were finishing and publishing Hallow & Hearth and Glyph & Grey, reigniting my passion for Metal music with some new-to-me kickass bands, reconnecting with the violin, going to my first Metal concert, and finding a new meditative craft. I am optimistic for a great 2018. I do not have resolutions but I do have a few goals I would like to accomplish during the year.

1. See a Carach Angren headlining show.
2. See an Avatar headlining show. I have tickets for one on Jan. 31st!
3. Meet Seregor of Carach Angren (He was sick last time so I didn’t get the chance).
4. Get a picture with and talk to Carach Angren.
4. Meet some (at least) or all of Avatar. Pictures!
5. Take better care of myself. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it and keep doing it rather than throwing the towel in frustrated after a couple weeks.
6. Do better about writing every day.
7. Do better about practicing the violin every day.
8. Be more open to changing up routines, trying new experiences, and such because I am in a very unhealthy rut and have been for awhile now. The concert in November 2017 was the first time I had done something way outside of the rut. I was terrified/anxious/neurotic prior to but I had a lot of fun. Meet some cool people while waiting for the doors to open too.

As for other experiences, I have a wishlist of concerts I am hoping to attend in first few months of 2018. Don’t have tickets for them yet but optimistic in the potential of going. They are Starset, Myrkur, Septicflesh/Dark Funeral/Thy Antichrist, Cradle of Filth/Jinjer/Uncured, and Insomnium. There’s several other bands I would like to see this year too but they haven’t posted any tour/show stuff yet.

Not sure what else I will do for new experiences or changing up my routines yet. Will have to figure it out as I go along. I just knew after seeing Uncured, Lost Society, and Carach Angren, that concerts were something I need to partake of more.

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Release Day for Glyph & Grey

It is the last day of 2017 AND the Release Day for Glyph & Grey.

The writing of Glyph & Grey started out slowly as I was also struggling with Hallow & Hearth. Once Hallow & Hearth‘s madness was done, I made reasonably quick work of the content of Glyph & Grey. Not as quick as I would have liked yet quick enough where I didn’t feel inclined to rip apart all of its pages in a flurry of giving up. Something I considered doing to Hallow & Hearth numerous times.

This book does contain the novelty of a dedication – something I have only done with very few of my books.

As with most of my poetry, Glyph & Grey is a bit all over the place with its intentions. In a weird way though, it got very personal. All poetry is personal to a degree, but many in this book are personal enough to make me nervous about putting them out there. I would have thought publishing a bunch of poems about my struggles with PTSD would be more inducing of the nerves. It was not. Are matters of mind are not as personal as matters of heart?

glyphfrontcover

The beauty within moments of sadness. The belonging within times of loneliness. The passion within instances of rejection. The contradictions within hours of existence. Where all their inherent colors mix and bleed into grey, intent on being carved out into glyphs.

Glyph & Grey is available as a paperback for $9.99 through Amazon and for $2.99 via Kindle.

Tuesday Tabellion – Reflections at the end of 2017

As I complete Glyph & Grey and 2017 comes to a close, I find myself reflecting on the past few years.

The first poetry book I ever published was The Heart of Autumn on September 13, 2011. The first poetry book of 100 poems I published was Smoke & Spirit on October 9, 2012. I started writing Smoke & Spirit in August 2011 along with Flare & Fetter. Since their publishing, I have published 13 other 100 poem books of new work, 4 other smaller books of poems I wrote prior to 2011, 5 collected works, and 16 chapbooks.

From August 2011 through today (and the completion of Glyph & Grey), I have written 1515 poems toward stand alone poetry books which roughly averages out to 288 poems a year. I have also written another 300 or so poems in attempts at novels in verse and other poetic styles. One of these days, those poems might come out to play but for now, they sit and wait for me to decide what their fates will be.

While all the poems are personal to me in one way or another, Flare & Fetter remains one of the most personal books as it was written while I was “forced” to confront significant issues with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. This condition and other issues do play out in other books and their poems but not in the same way.

The most challenging book to write was Hallow & Hearth. I wanted to give myself a writing challenge, and it delivered fully. I never expected letter H would give me such problems because it only applied to the titles. For a long time though, it and some personal crap stifled my creativity and I did not write. When I did write, H was very easy to deal with in short bursts of awesomeness.

The quickest book to write was Passion & Prudence. I wrote its 100 poems in 30 days as a creative endurance challenge. I continue to be amazed that I did so well. The poems turned out fantastically. My brain did feel like ooze for awhile after I was done but it was worth it.

My absolutely favorite book continues to be Russian Hymns, a collected work of poems from several books. These poems were inked to and/or involve a fictional character I had often dreamed about nicknamed The Undertaker aka Zephyr. I still dream of him from time to time but nowhere to the extent I use to. I have no idea why he is such a vivid creation in my dreams. Supposedly, the faces we see in our dreams are faces we have seen before. The Undertaker’s entire physical form is very precise in my dreams but I have absolutely no recollection of ever seeing such a face or encountering such a person.

 

NaPoWriMo Day 28 – Nation

Nation

Trip through the land
A nation without a flag
To wrap around its wounded
Whore of a sight handing in
Change by telephone disconnected
Never to know the score
Trip through the land
A nation rife with disease
Creeping amongst the populace
Where the children lack future
Change by telephone disconnected
Lost allegiance to dreams lukewarm
Trip through the land
A nation without a flag

NaPoWriMo Day 26 – Glyphs

Glyphs

Ill-fated as it may seem
Where I weep by her side
Tender sweet under glyphs
We carved in distant memory
Growing paler in seconds passing
The grey we may see by veils
Waiting to open up and embrace
Delicate and delightful in passage
Through the gates to final repose
Ill-fates as it may seem
Where I weep on severed limbs
Tender sweet under glyphs
We carved in distant memory
Leave me pale in grey shadows
Veils waiting for us both impatient
Delicate and delightful in passage
Through the gates to final repose

NaPoWriMo Day 24 – Ley Lines

Ley Lines

Can I come out to play
I know I hide behind
Self-inflicted scars and
Too many I never saw
Coming from entities close and far
Finer lines crisscrossing
My ley lines to bury
Myself in for too long
Crawl my way up away
Can I come out to play
Far from these lines threatening
Paler everyday but anger stays
Even in growing distant memories
With each tearful flood
Finer lines crisscrossing
My ley lines to bury
Myself in for too long
Crawl my way up
See more than pain
At long last maybe I can
Be more than inflicted
Can I come out to play?

NaPoWriMo Day 22 – Flayed

Flayed

She leaves my skin out
Flayed and painted red
Find amusement in peculiar things
Painting pictures perfect
At my own mistaken behest
Had no idea it would play
Out to this way where I ended
Flayed and painted red
Find amusement in peculiar things
Painting pictures perfect
Until she runs out of colors
Enough to sustain us both
She leaves my skin out
Flayed and painted red