Release Day for Nightmares & Nevermore

Today is the release day for Nightmares & Nevermore. A few of its pieces made it in into the previously published Russian Hymns. It marked the end of the inspiration behind Russian Hymns. It also marked the end of a chapter in my life as I continue on my journey of healing, personal growth, and achievement of well-being despite chaos my day to day had been thrown into. Nightmares & Nevermore was a catalyst for a new path, a new perspective, or so I hope. Part of me is sad that Nightmares & Nevermore brought so much to an end, but I am proud of what it brought to the surface. Nightmares & Nevermore is the continuation and end of a process which began with Flare & Fetter and progressed through Unlined & Undertakers, Kirsch & Kerosene, and Zephyr & Zinc.

The $9.99 Paperback is available through Amazon and CreateSpace, and the $2.99 eBook is available for Kindle.

Bouncing off the page
While howling at the moon
Blue ink smearing out their demands
Little child’s footprints
Leading us on, leading us away

The End of NaNoWriMo 2014

NaNoWriMo has come to a close for me as I validated my work on the 26th at 58,901 words. I continue to be shocked and amazed that I made it to the end and then some. There was a lot of free writing and general writing notes. I did discover a couple “fatal” flaws in Reaper’s Moon which I need to figure out how to fix before I can continue on the rewrites. Overall, I am glad I have left it alone for a couple years or I would have been blind to its flaws. I finished out Elysian & Ether with 37 new poems. Nightmares & Nevermore finished out with 35 new poems. Passion & Prudence has picked up 3 so far. In total, I wrote 76 poems but the one for Reaper’s Moon is flawed as I realized a world building flaw after I wrote the piece.

This was an extremely difficult NaNoWriMo as I struggled with creativity, motivation, depression, ad social anxiety. For all my excitement about a write-in every day, it was too much for me mentally. I tried to overdo it only to trigger anxiety which aggravated the already looming depression.

In spite of this month’s difficulties, I am looking forward to next month and 2015. December will be an editing/planning month. I intend to edit a few more free chapbooks, Elysian & Ether, and Nightmares & Nevermore while working out the flaws in Reaper’s Moon. January will be the month to work on and, hopefully, finish Passion & Prudence. I intend to spend February with Reaper’s Moon. I want to get the flaws fixed and the entire book rewritten by the end of the month. I know I said I wanted to get the book done by the end of NaNoWriMo, but I did not realize that it had so many flaws in the world building and character constructs. There is a lot to fix before I can move forward. The idea is solid and the unflawed works are beautiful, I just need to figure how to put it back together without scraping the novel altogether.

Of course, my plans for 2015 could change some – and I hope they do – when I find a new place to live.

NaNoWriMo 2014 – Days 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, and 14

On Day 12, I put out a free chapbook, in PDF format, called Spirit. It consists of 10 poems from Smoke & Spirit. (Clicking ‘Spirit’ will take you to the download page.) It is the first in the series of free chapbooks I plan to put out over the coming month or two. Please download, read, and enjoy. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated.

It is have been a profoundly odd week. A miracle that I was able to keep my lead in word count with free writing. I discovered I do not feel poetically inclined at my mom’s house at all. I mostly feel disoriented and exhausted.

Unfortunately, snow and below zero temperatures kept me trapped in the house for Days 10, 11, 12, and 13. The snow had let up on the 12th but temperatures of -13 degrees Fahrenheit- on the morning of Day 13 rendered my car useless. It also put walking to places completely out of the picture. They were a bit too far to walk to especially in such cold temperatures.

This cold snap also made it apparent that I need to find my winter clothing – including my winter coat – but I have no idea where all of it is packed. My odds of finding my clothing before moving again are slim to none I think. At the rate the house hunt is going, I should unpack some of my items yet there is nowhere to place the unpacked items.

I finally got free on Day 14 to run a few minor errands during the day, and to attend the evening write-in and NaNoWriMo halfway party.

By the write-in, I had four poems left to write for both Elysian & Ether and Nightmares & Nevermore. Started out the writing time with two poems for Nightmares & Nevermore. One of which ended up being more personal than I anticipated.

I started to struggle after those two poems. I figured I would be all over these last eight poems like butter on bread since I had not much in the way of poetry for days. Perhaps the expectation was too much for my muse. I often struggle with the last few poems of a book to begin with. This time just seemed worse than usual.

The fact that there were 20 people crammed into a rather tiny space for the halfway party and write-in may have also played a role. Not a fan of groups even when they are all writers writing away. I briefly thought about leaving because the group was becoming too overwhelming but I was not in a place in the room where I could flee easily and quickly so I had to tough it out. I did not anticipate so many people, and had chosen a spot with a comfortable chair instead.

Eventually, I buried myself in my hoodie and ended up more productive across my notebook with the dance of a pen. I ended up with four more poems for my effort toward not freaking out by number of people and how they were to my personal space.

I completed Nightmares & Nevermore with two of the four poems.

Current Stats
Elysian & Ether: 98/100
Nightmares & Nevermore: 100/100
Overall Word Count: 26372/50000

NaNoWriMo 2014 – Days 6, 7, and 8

Day 6 featured a write-in with another WriMo region just to the north of where I presently live. It went decently even though the coffee shop was horribly overpriced. I hope to attend the two other write-ins there this month as the group that comes out is nice. I may have picked future editing client. I got seven poems written. I was aiming for ten but it did not happen. I am trying to write ten poems a day in order to finish Elysian & Ether and Nightmares & Nevermore by the end of Day 10.

On Day 7, I managed 2,656 words and, from those words, fourteen poems which may be a new daily record. I was so optimistic about being able to get ten or more poems done each day.

Day 8, three poems done and those were a major struggle. This struggle is made worse by some bad choices I made on Day 7. I use to take over the counter pain killers in excess. I have spent months weaning myself from them. The last few times I had taken Ibuprofen, I had acid reflux/heartburn for hours afterward making sleep difficult. I thought it was food-related until last night. I ended up taking 200 mg of Ibuprofen before the Day 7 evening write-in because my back was bothering me (weather changes). At 1am, I woke up with the worse heartburn I have had in quite some time. My stomach remains all acidy nearly 24 hours later from when I took the pill. I have taken steps to help bring the acidy feeling down but my efforts seem to have been in vain. My back continues to be in a lot pain too. Sadly, I can no longer take aspirin or white willow bark either as they have been causing my legs to swell. Lack of sleep, no pain killers for increasing pain, and stomach acid do not put one in a writing frame of mind. Thanks to a lot of free writing, I managed to get close to the daily suggested word count in order to maintain my overage of about 2,000.

In spite of this lack of poems, I remain optimistic to finish the two poetry books this week even if it ends up being Day 11 or 12. I will attempt to make better use of my time too. When I am not at a write-in writing, I have been quite the slacker. Going to try and apply my non-writing time into formatting time for the books I need to finish converting into ebooks. I would also like to get started on my ‘Free Reads’ PDF chapbooks project.

Current Stats
Elysian & Ether: 88/100
Nightmares & Nevermore: 86/100
Total Overall Word Count: 15274/50000

NaNoWriMo 2014 – Days 3, 4, and 5

I have been feeling under the weather the past couple of days. I have managed to keep up with the word count by writing whatever pops into my head when I sit down to the computer. Not useful toward my goals for Reaper’s Moon, Elysian & Ether, and Nightmares & Nevermore but sick me was of the opinion that words were words. I managed to get myself together long enough to attend a write-in this evening, Day 5, where some poetry did happen. None toward Reaper’s Moon but Reaper’s Moon did manage to pick up a piece of rewrite work late on Day 2. Not where I had hoped to be progress-wise come Day 5. There is still time to pick up the pieces.

I have mentally thwarted by restlessness driven by the hope of getting my own home again. I continue to have no prospects on that front. It is has been over year since I discovered Al-Bisslii was caving in on its self – an issue I could not afford to fix – so I moved out and sold it to someone who could afford to fix the damages. Next week, will mark a year of when I moved in with my sister. While I do not live with her anymore, I certainly had expectations of having my own place by no later than this upcoming mark. If nothing else, this past year and then some of living with others has made me more appreciative of who I am, what I want out of my life, and of my long-standing single gal status. It has made me more aware of how I show love and respect to others and how I expect such in return. I cannot recall when I have actually gotten these things in return where they truly mean something to me. Perhaps that is why I have no interest in living with other people – family relation or not.

As I type this at the write-in, I become very engrossed in the notion of coming here tonight might have been a mistake. Sick, tired, tired and more tired.

There was a write-in on the evening of Day 3 but I did not attend. There is a write-in tomorrow yet not sure I will attend based on my current physical state and frame of mind. Keeping fingers crossed that I will be well enough for the Friday, Saturday, and Sunday write-ins so I may be extremely productive like I was on Day 1.

And accountability be damned for the past three days. I fell off of the “wagon” dramatically. I need to figure to stay on course even when sick.

Not sure what my daily word count stats for Days 3 and 4 are but I know the other numbers.

Current Stats
Reaper’s Moon: 1 piece of rework
Elysian & Ether: 74/100
Nightmares & Nevermore: 74/100
Day 5’s Word Count: 1932
Total Word Count: 8,634/50,000

NaNoWriMo 2014 – Day 2

Did not write today until I went to a write-in as I struggled to wake up in the morning timeframe. In the first hour of the write-in, I put down five poems. Three for Nightmares & Nevermore and three for Elysian & Ether. Both books are over 70% done now. I had intended to work on Reaper’s Moon but found myself in a mood that did not translate to the novel. All the poems I have written since yesterday have been very dark and, at times, rather bloody. It is truly a shame to not have the mood translatable to the novel. Such would work very well over there as I have two death scenes to rewrite and one other to write.

After the first hour, I wondered why was I at a write-in. I am horribly uncomfortable as a forthcoming storm is causing a lot of pain to crawl up and into my spinal column. This does not bode well for writing in general. It certainly does not mesh well with crappy seating at a coffee shop. There is only one local coffee shop I like the seating in but my friend refuses to write there anymore because she does not like the changes they made to their coffee plus it has gotten really busy on Sunday afternoons. Personally, I would rather not write here because it is in need of extensive cleaning and better (unbroken) chairs.

By some miracle, I did manage to get a couple more in word count than the daily minimum. Not sure how I accomplished but it was not all poetry. I did spend some time hashing out some additional thoughts for the direction for Reaper’s Moon.

No-Grain November continues to forge ahead. I managed to resist the temptations of ice cream, Halloween candy, and bread thus far. I do find myself thinking about these foods but only when I am extremely hungry. I am also discovering that more physical pain is synonymous with wanting sugar and wheat. Not surprised by this discovery though. Long been an emotional eater. Pain is just another emotional reason. Sadly, these foods I crave are a source of physical pain so I am stuck in a horrific loop. I need to break it desperately but my past failures are very clear as to why I fail. The loop in all its painful glory.

Current Stats
Reaper’s Moon: No Work Done
Elysian & Ether: 3 for 74/100
Nightmares & Nevermore: 3 for 72/100
Daily Word Count: 1927
Total Word Count: 3595/50000

NaNoWriMo 2014 – Day 1

I did not start writing until after 1pm when I met up with a friend for our standard Saturday afternoon writing ‘date’. This was not unexpected as I knew I would be busy with household tasks in the morning. In a little over an hour, I put down nine poems. Two for Nightmares & Nevermore and eight for Elysian & Ether which brought Elysian & Ether to 71% completion. I decide to take a short break after that, and write out this blog post.

I did not work on Reaper’s Moon today. I plan to start the re-write/re-work process tomorrow. I wasn’t feeling it, and wanted to get as much poetry written as possible for the poetry books. Divide and conquer… At least, such is my intention during the beginning of this NaNoWriMo.

The No-Grain November jump start is going okay. So far, I have resisted the siren songs of the Halloween candy my friend laid out on the table. Eating every two hours has made me not hungry as the day has progressed. This morning, I was extremely hungry by the time the next snack came around. Now, not so much. I even missed a snack this morning as I ended up sleeping in. I do have a slight caffeine withdrawal headache, and I would really like some caffeine as I am lagging. Must be strong. Should not have been consuming caffeine off and on over the past month anyways. Shockingly, I feel better when I am not on it. Such blasphemy from a writer, I know.

As I type these words, all I can think about is how much I want to take a nap. Still I have at least 600 words to write to make the minimum word count for the day. I do not wish to fall behind in the daily counts during this NaNoWriMo.

After the break and a quick snack, came back to work. Wanted to attempt to bring Nightmares & Nevermore up to 70% at the very least but, after two poems, it seemed that the verse fairies had abandoned me to play with the leaves and squirrels outside of the coffee shop window. I cannot blame them for enjoying the sun before snow supposedly arrives. I did manage to meet the minimum word count goal for the day which is all that matters.

Having written only a handful of poems over the span of a month for several months now, I am immensely pleased with having written twelve in such a short time frame. Even though the month just started, I am feeling optimistic that Elysian & Ether and Nightmares & Nevermore will be completed without detriment to the intended work on Reaper’s Moon.

Current Stats
Reaper’s Moon: No Work Done
Elysian & Ether: 8 for 71/100
Nightmares & Nevermore: 4 for 69/100
Total Word Count: 1668/50000