I did not mean to disappear. Responsibilities landed elsewhere for awhile. Far, so far, away from writing and the creative drive I hold so dear. As I type this, it is 1am. I should be sleeping but my neighbors are decidedly obnoxious – the downside of living in an apartment – and my mind is busy contemplating what to do with an idea. An idea that was once applied to a potential verse novel. This novel died a most horrible death in the long run because of flaws with the world building, character building, and lack of a true antagonist. It was my first attempt at taking my very organic spur of the moment poetic writing style and turning it into something structured. Parts of it went well. Other parts…not so much. I learned a lot about myself as a writer and as a poet from this process.
I considered taking it apart. Reusing some pieces, discarding the rest, yet this seemed like the wrong route to take. Starting over entirely seems to be the most logical way to approach this. It seems to be paying off thus far. The idea has a few antagonists now, and the world sits on a more reasonable foundation & timeline. The characters need more fleshing out as far as their goals and motivations are concerned. Overall, I like the changes. The core concept is still the same as is the two main characters and their ultimate ending. Everything in between, concept wise, is much stronger than in the previous incarnation.
I also ruminated on what to do with the verses of the prior work. I loathe the concept of discarding them entirely. A large portion of them are very beautiful poems. I won’t lie – there are some really horrible poems in there too. I think the good and beautiful will see the light of the day soon as their own book because it seems wrong to keep them in the dark.
For now, I’m attempting to establish my focus on taking this better conceived core idea and turning it into a novel of some kind while also working on Hallow & Hearth. April, June, and September are becoming strong contenders for months that will be a pain in my behind. Trying to be optimistic that I’ll be able to keep some kind of creative momentum going during them while being extremely focused & productive in May, July, August, and the remainder of 2016.
As I write this, I am taking a break from working on the outline for the Reaper’s Moon rewrite. After realizing there were major world-building flaws and the story was missing the proper catalysts for certain character changes, I decided to rewrite it entirely. The catalysts changed the overall story drastically thus making it a very different story to tell. Oddly enough, the new outline is missing an entire sub-plot and its corresponding secondary characters. Not sure these characters will make a reappearance in the writing process. Only time truly knows. I plan to get the rewrite process underway in February 2015.
From November 28th until December 28th, I embarked on a project to stretch myself creatively as NaNoWriMo wasn’t so great at doing so. I challenged myself to try and write 4 poems a day everyday. I did not succeed with the everyday part but I was close. Over the course of the month, I wrote 100 viable poems which is more than what I get out of NaNowriMo. This project resulted in the start and completion of Passion & Prudence. Normally, a poetry book has a minimum working time of a month and a half so completing Passion & Prudence earlier is a huge accomplishment. It is even more of an accomplishment considering I am seriously out of practice after the time-consuming and writing-limiting craziness of the majority of 2014.
On December 28th, I also got a healthy start on Vervain & Vice.
My writing goals for 2015
– Continue the intention/process of writing 4 poems everyday
– Complete Vervain & Vice, Yowl & Yarrow, Hallow & Hearth, Glyph & Grey, Rune & Rapture, and Lyre & Letter at minimum
– Continue posting a new poem every Wednesday
– Continue the monthly Free Kindle book promotion
– Rewrite Reaper’s Moon and bring it up to a final draft state
– Outline, write, and strive to bring two or three more story ideas up to a final draft state
My personal goals for 2015
– Take steps to remineralize my teeth in order to avoid $7000 worth of dental work
– Obtain a place of my own and get it into order
– Unpack then further downsizing of various categories of possessions I never got to in 2011-2013
– Daily yoga and meditation
– Work harder on staying away from the foods that may me sick – illness does not help the creative process!
Of course, the obtaining a new place and the moving process could stagnant goals in both categories for a bit of time but I’ll get back to it. I think 2015 will be a great year for me personally and creatively. 2015 will be the year of N.L.!
NaNoWriMo has come to a close for me as I validated my work on the 26th at 58,901 words. I continue to be shocked and amazed that I made it to the end and then some. There was a lot of free writing and general writing notes. I did discover a couple “fatal” flaws in Reaper’s Moon which I need to figure out how to fix before I can continue on the rewrites. Overall, I am glad I have left it alone for a couple years or I would have been blind to its flaws. I finished out Elysian & Ether with 37 new poems. Nightmares & Nevermore finished out with 35 new poems. Passion & Prudence has picked up 3 so far. In total, I wrote 76 poems but the one for Reaper’s Moon is flawed as I realized a world building flaw after I wrote the piece.
This was an extremely difficult NaNoWriMo as I struggled with creativity, motivation, depression, ad social anxiety. For all my excitement about a write-in every day, it was too much for me mentally. I tried to overdo it only to trigger anxiety which aggravated the already looming depression.
In spite of this month’s difficulties, I am looking forward to next month and 2015. December will be an editing/planning month. I intend to edit a few more free chapbooks, Elysian & Ether, and Nightmares & Nevermore while working out the flaws in Reaper’s Moon. January will be the month to work on and, hopefully, finish Passion & Prudence. I intend to spend February with Reaper’s Moon. I want to get the flaws fixed and the entire book rewritten by the end of the month. I know I said I wanted to get the book done by the end of NaNoWriMo, but I did not realize that it had so many flaws in the world building and character constructs. There is a lot to fix before I can move forward. The idea is solid and the unflawed works are beautiful, I just need to figure how to put it back together without scraping the novel altogether.
Of course, my plans for 2015 could change some – and I hope they do – when I find a new place to live.
I have been feeling under the weather the past couple of days. I have managed to keep up with the word count by writing whatever pops into my head when I sit down to the computer. Not useful toward my goals for Reaper’s Moon, Elysian & Ether, and Nightmares & Nevermore but sick me was of the opinion that words were words. I managed to get myself together long enough to attend a write-in this evening, Day 5, where some poetry did happen. None toward Reaper’s Moon but Reaper’s Moon did manage to pick up a piece of rewrite work late on Day 2. Not where I had hoped to be progress-wise come Day 5. There is still time to pick up the pieces.
I have mentally thwarted by restlessness driven by the hope of getting my own home again. I continue to have no prospects on that front. It is has been over year since I discovered Al-Bisslii was caving in on its self – an issue I could not afford to fix – so I moved out and sold it to someone who could afford to fix the damages. Next week, will mark a year of when I moved in with my sister. While I do not live with her anymore, I certainly had expectations of having my own place by no later than this upcoming mark. If nothing else, this past year and then some of living with others has made me more appreciative of who I am, what I want out of my life, and of my long-standing single gal status. It has made me more aware of how I show love and respect to others and how I expect such in return. I cannot recall when I have actually gotten these things in return where they truly mean something to me. Perhaps that is why I have no interest in living with other people – family relation or not.
As I type this at the write-in, I become very engrossed in the notion of coming here tonight might have been a mistake. Sick, tired, tired and more tired.
There was a write-in on the evening of Day 3 but I did not attend. There is a write-in tomorrow yet not sure I will attend based on my current physical state and frame of mind. Keeping fingers crossed that I will be well enough for the Friday, Saturday, and Sunday write-ins so I may be extremely productive like I was on Day 1.
And accountability be damned for the past three days. I fell off of the “wagon” dramatically. I need to figure to stay on course even when sick.
Not sure what my daily word count stats for Days 3 and 4 are but I know the other numbers.
Reaper’s Moon: 1 piece of rework
Elysian & Ether: 74/100
Nightmares & Nevermore: 74/100
Day 5’s Word Count: 1932
Total Word Count: 8,634/50,000
Did not write today until I went to a write-in as I struggled to wake up in the morning timeframe. In the first hour of the write-in, I put down five poems. Three for Nightmares & Nevermore and three for Elysian & Ether. Both books are over 70% done now. I had intended to work on Reaper’s Moon but found myself in a mood that did not translate to the novel. All the poems I have written since yesterday have been very dark and, at times, rather bloody. It is truly a shame to not have the mood translatable to the novel. Such would work very well over there as I have two death scenes to rewrite and one other to write.
After the first hour, I wondered why was I at a write-in. I am horribly uncomfortable as a forthcoming storm is causing a lot of pain to crawl up and into my spinal column. This does not bode well for writing in general. It certainly does not mesh well with crappy seating at a coffee shop. There is only one local coffee shop I like the seating in but my friend refuses to write there anymore because she does not like the changes they made to their coffee plus it has gotten really busy on Sunday afternoons. Personally, I would rather not write here because it is in need of extensive cleaning and better (unbroken) chairs.
By some miracle, I did manage to get a couple more in word count than the daily minimum. Not sure how I accomplished but it was not all poetry. I did spend some time hashing out some additional thoughts for the direction for Reaper’s Moon.
No-Grain November continues to forge ahead. I managed to resist the temptations of ice cream, Halloween candy, and bread thus far. I do find myself thinking about these foods but only when I am extremely hungry. I am also discovering that more physical pain is synonymous with wanting sugar and wheat. Not surprised by this discovery though. Long been an emotional eater. Pain is just another emotional reason. Sadly, these foods I crave are a source of physical pain so I am stuck in a horrific loop. I need to break it desperately but my past failures are very clear as to why I fail. The loop in all its painful glory.
Reaper’s Moon: No Work Done
Elysian & Ether: 3 for 74/100
Nightmares & Nevermore: 3 for 72/100
Daily Word Count: 1927
Total Word Count: 3595/50000