Camp NaNoWriMo & NaPoWriMo 2014 – Day 18

And here we are at Day 18 of Camp NaNoWriMo and NaPoWriMo 2014. It is a surprisingly nice day here in Colorado, and I miraculously ended up not having to watch my nephew today. Sadly, it isn’t a day off. I’m supposedly editing a manuscript which I grossly underestimated the timeline on so I am facing a ton of work with a very close deadline. Does this mean I can focus on it? No. Exhaustion from the week and the flaring of allergies makes the day annoying.

I underestimated the timeline due to my nephew. This is the first novel manuscript I have received since his birth. Editing work, for the last six months, has been short stories, novellas, and chapbooks. Normally, I would already be done with the manuscript but the nephew is very time consuming. Even with my sister, nephew, and brother-in-law gone for a week and a half, progress has been slow going. Their absence was barely noted as I dealt with the drama from other things they had setup to have done during that time, and other issues from other things I work/deal with. I had wanted time to edit, write, and relax but no, never happened.

I, now, know I need to adjust my timelines for future editing work in order to reduce the undercurrent of panic I am feeling. I edit to help pay the bills. I am really good at it – I use to do a lot of auditing work which comes in handy in editing – but I’d rather leave it by the wayside in favor of writing.

I’m taking time out of editing right now because of a realization. To understand this realization, there needs to be a bit of backstory… I do not understand emotions in the overall sense. I have them but I am oddly detached from them. I’ll cry at a drop of a hat yet I have zero idea as to why I cry. Happy is like this bizarre twitch under my skin I just want to get rid of. There are moments where I know I should be mad but I cannot express it properly. I usually just cry in order to ‘flush’ out whatever the discomfort is. The only thing I truly understand is pain. I know that one oh so well and I wish I didn’t. I also understand paranoia and anxiety to an alarming degree. Through my poetry, I apparently understand longing or so others tell me. I honestly have no idea what at least 70% of my poems mean or imply. I really detest the question, ‘What does your poem mean?’, for this reason.

To today’s realization, these photos of this tiny house showed up on my Facebook feed. I thought, I really like that design. With a few minor tweaks, I could see myself living in one of those. I had this feeling about these images that I could not place. I mulled it over for a while. Napped on it then it hit me. I know what I was feeling. It has been so long since I had felt that kind of emotion that it wasn’t recognizable. It was unadulterated heady lust. The kind of lust that binds characters, in paranormal romance and erotica novels, to their destined mates. The kind of lust which drives them to madness should their mates be in danger. Pure, perfect, and all consuming.

My dream of having a tiny house has transformed into this lust. I am not surprised by this, however, as my kenophobia (fear of large/empty spaces) has gotten far worse since moving in with my sister, nephew, and brother-in-law. I may have a “small” room here but 90% of my time is spent in the rest of the 3300+ square foot house.

The “small” room is actually large enough where I could put a decently sized kitchen (sink, work surface, stove, and fridge), my queen sized bed, my 5 foot long desk, and a small sofa into it if arranged properly. Add in the bathroom, a small portion of the closet, and the little square hall between the bedroom door and the bathroom door, it becomes the perfect little cabin with ample space despite all it holds. It would probably even fit a stackable washer and dryer. What can be done with the “small” room has made me even more aware of how I could easily live in a tiny house with my beloved feline overlord. (I miss my Anubis cat so much. I miss my Iah pig too but not as much as my Anubis.) I still need to downsize my possessions some more but they are in the manageable range now.

I will be completely debt-free next month – at least two years ahead of schedule thanks to the selling of the flood-damaged house – but money remains an issue as I do not wish to go into debt again to achieve my tiny house dreams. However, I cannot stay in this huge house much longer. Having free room and board is very nice but it has meant too much sacrifice in regards to my privacy, well-being, and writing time.

A local tiny house builder, who’s homes are surprisingly affordable all things considered, is offering a chance at getting half of a house financed with possible income later but one needs to put down 50% cash up front. This offer comes with the requirement of letting folks tour the house once a month for about four hours. The projected income received from this ($500 to $1000 a month or so they claim) goes to the loan but, once the loan is paid off, the tours can stop or they can continue and the money goes to the homeowner. It sounds like a decent deal to me even though I do not like people in my personal space.

At my current income rate, it would take me a year or so to come up with that kind of down payment, if I am very lucky, unless miracles happen like I get a huge influx of clients with novels to edit, massively increased book sales, and my listed books & other items on half.com & etsy.com sell.

Writers and editors do not make a lot of money which is why I diversify. I know a lot of people who keep telling me that as soon as they publish a book, they are going to be making a lot of money, and they cannot wait to make a living as an author. It doesn’t work like that. It really doesn’t. The average author doesn’t start making money until their 10th book maybe. If you write for a niche, it might be right away, it might not. It is extremely rare for authors to find them in the position like JK Rowling and Stephenie Meyer where money is just throwing itself at them. I know this very well but I remain hopeful that one day my writing will start bringing in a nice income. Of course, I didn’t start publishing my work to make money. I did it to share the beauty of words. Money would just be a nice perk and a means to achieve a goal of being able to write full time without editing or worrying about how I am going to pay the basic bills each month.

Looking back over the last few months, today wasn’t the first time I had felt lust toward an idea/concept. The previous time was about two months ago. I was sorting through my writing files, current works in progress, and future writing ideas. All I wanted – and what I still want – is to shut myself away and just write until all of my works in progress were entirely done. This prospect is just too tempting. It is another goal I am striving for although the lust for it is not as strong as the one for a tiny house right now.

Now that I have over-shared my thoughts for the day, a status update.

Editing might be kicking my butt with reckless abandon but it has nothing on Camp NaNoWriMo/NaPoWriMo 2014. Oh I keep cranking out those poems – which are surprisingly great – despite missing Days 12, 13, 14, and 15 but progress amuses me not. I must remind myself constantly that this is the most writing I have done since November 2013. It is going to hurt. There’s a lot going on constantly which puts me off my creative game. Kenophobia is a huge stumbling block in the creative process. I just need to find new ways to cope so I can get back on an even keel. There’s not enough words to express the many ways that PTSD is mucking all over my days, much less my art. Must remind myself every second of the day…

For Day 16, there is Quicksand, a piece for Xenium & Xyris.
Day 17 has Scrolling, a piece for Nightmares & Nevermore, which expresses some of my present writing frustrations.
Day 18’s offering is Magpie, a piece for Zephyr & Zinc and testament to my intellectual nature – much to the chagrin of my family. They think I am a smartass who likes to pretend I know everything and use this “pretend” information to ‘one up’ people. Not the case. I’m just sharing random bits of information I collected because it seems to apply to the conversation and nothing more. They seem to think I spend time trying find ways to prove I am ‘superior’ to them so I just share things I made up. No, I just collect things. Sometimes, the information gets put together wrong but not making it up nor I am trying to be superior. I am a magpie. Information, words, paper, and ink I collect.

Present Stats
Xenium & Xyris: 71/100
Zephyr & Zinc: 78/100
Elysian & Ether: 39/100
Nightmares & Nevermore: 53/100
Overall Word Count: 13711/20000

And two pictures of my new tiny house desire…objectoflust2 objectoflust1

NaPoWriMo 2014 – Day 16

Quicksand

Twitch in the dawn
Sense its arrival
Another day, another night
Without peace washing
Over me absolve
Turned to make a stand
Only found quicksand
Another night, another day
With more of the same
Over me abrasive
Twitch in the dawn
Sense a hunger
Another day, another night
With rivers declared
Over me alight
Turned to make a stand
Only found quicksand

Freebie Friday and NaPoWriMo 2014 & Camp NaNoWriMo – Day 11

It is Freebie Friday! The Kindle version of Unlined & Undertakers is free until the 14th. Download, read, enjoy, and review.

Onto to the status update…

Day 9 was less than exciting although I did put up three poems which was nice. I continued a bad habit of always being out of the house. Enjoying my break from taking care of others I suppose. I did spend a large portion of Day 9 at the vet clinic with my sister’s English Bulldog, Byron. He was getting an Echo Ultrasound to see how far his heart disease had progressed. Prognosis was decent but the vet wants to run some additional tests, and Byron ended up on some medication that should reduce his risk slightly of sudden death. Day 9’s poem is Better Halves, a piece for Xenium & Xyris.

Day 10 should have been heavily focused on writing and editing, especially the editing, but that isn’t what happened. Two poems and five pages of editing do not equal a heavy focus. I ran some errands, tended to some household chores, and finished up some paperwork that had a Day 11 deadline. Day 10’s poem is Honey, a piece for Nightmares & Nevermore.

Day 11 finds me at the local IHOP again. I had a coupon for a free short stack. Hello, Free pancakes! They brought me a regular stack instead. I didn’t know I had a limit on pancakes. It is four. Five proved to be far too much for me. I have written three poems and this blog post thus far. I came with the intention of lingering – comfortable seating, bottomless drinks, and free WiFi – but my allergies and the waiter seem to want to thwart that plan. Today will be spent all over the place with me working on editing and writing wherever I can find a place to sit a spell. Today’s poem is Roses, a piece for Nightmares & Nevermore.

Present Stats
Xenium & Xyris: 70/100
Zephyr & Zinc: 76/100
Elysian & Ether: 37/100
Nightmares & Nevermore: 51/100
Overall Word Count: 5700/20000

NaPoWriMo 2014 – Day 9

Better Halves

New skylines dance
On empty canvases
Locked under broken glass
Better halves in bitter hands
Forgot what pictures meant
Their eulogies incomplete
Perceived anything pitched
A beautiful life with
Somebody else’s lies
New skylines dance
Mount empty canvases
Locked under descending glass
Slicing bitter hands into
Better halves painted
Forgot what colors meant
Their monologues silenced
Shaded walls of clay
A beautiful cast with
Somebody else’s dove

Release Day, April’s Free Book, and NaPoWriMo 2014 & Camp NaNoWriMo – Day 8

Today is the release day for Inscribed Idolatry. It is a chapbook of 25 poems about the pains and passion of writing. The poems are gleaned from the current Works-in-Progress and previously published poems. It is only available as a 99 cent Kindle book.

Starting on April 10th, and continuing through April 14th, Unlined & Undertakers will be available for free on Kindle. Please obtain, read, enjoy, and review.

NaPoWriMo and Camp NaNowriMo seem more difficult this year especially Camp NaNoWriMo. I have been less than thrilled with my progress eight days in. Mostly due to the fact that I wanted this, needed this so badly. A mini-vacation from the day to day chaos, and a chance to be me for a short while. I spend far too much time taking care of others that I rarely have time for myself. I need this time, these words in order to keep functioning. So many do not understand how critical writing time is to my health. It keeps me ‘sane’, keeps me together, and keeps me whole. I miss the numbers I use to be able to put up in just a week’s time.

On Day 4, I continued my battle with the still unfinished Florentine gown that became less art and more comedy of errors as the day progressed. I ended up abandoning the gown in favor of sanity. Writing was not forthcoming in my frustrations with fabric, and agitation with the painters who were not finished by the end of the work day. Day 4’s poem is Once I…, a piece for Zephyr & Zinc.

Day 5 found me up very early in the morning. So early that the coffee shops weren’t going to be open for at least an hour. I ended up traveling a few miles away from the house to the local IHOP. Over an ample breakfast, I put forth seven poems. This was very delightful even with the looming fact that I had to return home shortly to deal with the painters once more. By 4pm, the painters finally finished the work. Day 5’s poem is Button Line, a piece for Xenium & Xyris.

Day 6 was time spent with my Mom but I managed to get a poem written before she arrived at my door. Day 5 was my mom’s birthday so we went out for a belated birthday lunch. It was after 3pm by the time she left so I curled up with a good book until I decided to call it a night. Day 6’s poem is Tiles, a piece for Zephyr & Zinc.

Day 7 found me up early-ish again so I ventured to the nearby bagel/coffee shop for writing time. I sat there for an hour, lost in my own world, until inspiration finally struck for a single poem then I continued to stare at the mostly blank page for an hour more. By 8am, I decided to give up the farce of writing. I began to work on the mountain of editing work awaiting me. Time has not been kind to me in regards to my editing business either. I removed most of the content from my business’ website in late September because I knew I would not have a lot of time to carry numerous clients. Still, I’ve obtained some clients through writing groups I belong to. I have a hard time turning down editing inquiries through the groups’ forums. Primarily due to my concern over my business dying a horrid death out of neglect and fierce competition. My current client’s manuscript is due back to him by the end of this month, at the latest, but I am intent on getting it to him by the 19th. There is a lot of work remaining which is my focus for this week. Day 7’s poem is Wandering Man, a piece for Xenium & Xyris.

Day 8 began with editing and more editing until I decided to break for lunch. Over lunch, I scribbled down five poems. This productivity brought delight at progress as well as amusement over the names of the poems since they all begin with the same letter. Zephyr & Zinc is at 75% which makes me extremely giddy. It has been a long time coming when compared to the time it took to write Kirsch & Kerosene or Unlined & Undertakers. Today’s poems were brought to you by the letter A. Today is also a day for the word, ‘Again’. It was struck down with alarming consistency in the morning’s editing work. The rest of the Day 8 will be divided between editing, paperwork, and house work thus continuing the everlasting song of ‘Too Much to Do, Never Enough Time to Do It All’. Day 8’s poem is All I Need, a piece for Zephyr & Zinc.

Present Stats
Xenium & Xyris: 66/100
Zephyr & Zinc: 75/100
Elysian & Ether: 37/100
Nightmares & Nevermore: 48/100
Overall Word Count: 3734/25000

NaPoWriMo 2014 – Day 7

Wandering Man

Name of a wandering man
Hiding out on the tongue
It may hurt to speak
When he is through and through
Was never that smart
At the end of the crossroads
Waits a wandering man
Thin as a threaded needle
Taunt others to forbidden speech
Promised to be true in retribution
Name of a wandering man
Hiding out on the tongue
Firmly entrenched by intention
When he is thrown and through
Ambling out of range of the crossroads
When names are all forgotten
Inside the arrive dawn fog

NaPoWriMo 2014 – Day 5

Button Line

Button me down
Throw me a line
Big shiny ways
Leave me blinded
Sun comes up
Pale blue sight
Shade in eyes
Button me down
Throw me a lie
Smoke as I go
Slip by wavering
All the sinning ways
Sun goes awry
Bright in eyes
Button me down
Throw me a line
Shiny filament
Break on weight
Sends me reeling
As I repose
In impatient wait
Sun comes home
Far in eyes
Button me down
Throw me a lie